why i deleted your number

 

I’m sorry. I deleted your number.

Well, why did you take it then?

I don’t know. It was easier to take it and delete it later…

Sigh.

I couldn’t explain then; so I’ll try now.

I deleted your number because I know you already.

Well, scratch that. I don’t know you. But I know me.

I know there’s something about you that awakens my flesh and quiets my Spirit; the tell-all alignment of smirks and sarcasm and giggles and, “Let me get you a beer.”

You remind me of the me I used to be.

I deleted your number because when I said, “Jesus speaks”, you reduced Him to the stage lights at Kendrick’s concert. You said, “I’m glad the music and the lights spoke to you just right.”

Nope. My Jesus is the Light. My Jesus laid the foundation of the earth in the beginning, and the heavens are the work of His hands.

While I enjoyed our discourse about what you believe, your answers told me that you don’t even know. Well, I’ll tell you what I know: I’ve gone too far deep in His love to yoke myself to one who doubts His existence.

How can I make you understand? Faith in everything is faith in nothing. The one in whom I believe – He’s real. He speaks. He loves me. Though I can no longer do what I want to do, I don’t even care. He’s worth it. I don’t expect you to understand this but…

I’m waiting for a Holy sync up of spirits. I’m waiting for the one who will dance for Jesus with me to keep us from dancing with each other before its our turn. I’m waiting for him.

I know He exists. And I know you’re not him.

So I deleted your number.

But can’t we just be friends, you say?

Really? After the many times you verbalized your admiration of my physique? After the moment we said goodbye, only to somehow find your friend group following us down the street; and after the satisfaction in your eye when I snapped my neck back to see if it was you, ’cause now I knew the sound of you? And after I faced forward, I felt your eyes watch me walk, inciting a hunger for attention, swaying me to sway my hips just for you?

No. We can’t just be friends.

I’ve walked too closely with Jesus to walk for anyone other than the man He created for me. Why fall into something that will only cause confusion and sexual frustration?

I’m sorry.

I pray you come to meet the one with whom are the words of Life. I’ve said all I can say. I deleted your number because He doesn’t need me to convince you of His existence.

He speaks for Himself.