From a young girl I wanted to grow up to wear nice clothes, travel the world and have lots of things. I had big dreams and an even bigger imagination. Yet, it was almost a decade ago when the internal wrestling started.Questions began forming inside of me… Why did I want all of these things? Why was I here? What did my life mean? What was the point of it all?
I recall when my whole life changed. Much of my 20’s was focused on me…I left my parents house and chased a freedom that was so elusive. I wanted to move up in the business world and accumulate as much as I could. I wanted to achieve so many goals. I had a plan for my life and I believe I would have it no matter what!
I wanted to be a CEO.
I wanted to run a company.
I wanted to be liked.
I wanted to lead a large organization.
I wanted to be admired.
I wanted a house to put all my many shoes and all my many purses.
I wanted the newest and latest of everything.
I wanted to be popular.
I wanted what I wanted.
Yet, in the flash of a moment after a series of very poor life decisions, all that dissipated. I faced the question “what does it profit a man”…in my case, “what does it profit a woman to gain this whole world and lose her soul?” To me I said it…it profited me NOTHING!
So gradually, my life, my desires, my love started to change. I began pursing and seeking a life of meaning…and I found the love of Jesus Christ.
I saw everything about me change. First it was the alcohol; no longer did I have a desire for the smell, taste or feeling…I did not want to have another drink.
Then it was the socializing, no more afternoons or evenings spent in countless shopping malls buying the newest dress or the newest shoes to go out and prance about town just to meet someone guy that was just as broken as I was.
Then it was the vain ambition, the constant chasing the self-glorifying dream.
The many questions like: how fast could I climb the corporate career ladder? How many awards could I get? How much more could be achieved? What is the highest paycheck I could get? Who else could I impress? … All became a figment of my imagination and started to fade in my mind.
Instead I began learning the words of Jesus and I began picking up my bible instead of watching TV or hanging out with friends.
I read things like “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” I began to have a heart for a new treasure …ones that was for the things of God.
New questions began to arise in my mind: Whom could I help with the things I had? What gifts and talents do I have? Where could I use my skills to serve people?
The core, the foundation of who I was started to change. What I wanted more than anything else in this world was to bring God glory and exalt the name of Jesus! My life meant nothing, if HE could not get ALL of the glory.
To be continued…